#NoMakeup

A few weeks ago , I was crushing hard on some girl in the “People You May Know” section on Facebook, or as I call it : More Detailed Tinder.

As I was randomly adding strangers based on their profile picture and number of “Friends” in common (The creepy part is when most of these “Friends” are girls added from the More Detailed Tinder), I stumbled upon a yung cutie with a smile so great it made me tingle on the inside (Or was it the Boom Boom Taka Boom I was binging on to stay awake till’ El Souseh opens and I can get a fresh Fatteh?).

Her eyes lit up like a Beirut street light when the kahraba’s not out , and her frame was so perfect she could’ve easily been mistaken for a belly dancer from Awtar .

But as my teary eyes stalked her profile profoundly , I stumbled upon a discovery so horrifying , it made me spill my Boom Boom Taka Boom , and shut down the internet in the entire household which made my parents almost kick me out of the house I share with them (I don’t live with my parents , they’re my roomates) for depriving them of their daily Skype session with my younger , slimmer and non – loser brother .

That discovery , which to me was of gargantuan proportions , was so shocking it fell almost like a stray bullet on an unsuspecting citizen’s car during a Zaim speech , a discovery so unexplainable, comparable to Myriam Klink running for office and that made me question my very existence …

That same girl , who just 2 minutes prior had me planning a Barcelona wedding right before Sonar (So we can spend our honeymoon trippin’ balls like the rest of the normal couples) , that same girl who had me ready to put gel in my hair , wear a branded Polo shirt with a number on the sleeve , ready to get a loan for a 2013 , look 2014 BMW , ready to go beg at Bank el Esken for help getting a Platinum Tower apartment to accommodate her and her collection of Bershka apparel…….That same girl had been tagged in a photo….. WITHOUT MAKEUP.

The first time I watched The exorcist, I was shitting my pants so hard my mum had to get me through potty training all over again .

But even that feeling of fear and horror wasn’t up to par with that acne ridden face that I was looking at .

Right about then , I slapped myself across the non-made up face that God gave me and prayed nobody had heard my sexist and superficial thoughts. I couldn’t bear another lawsuit and I am a feminist-supporter.

I’m not saying the girl was ugly without makeup , I’m just saying it was scary to see a completely different person .

Which made me wonder… How come we don’t get to do that? How come we’re stuck with the same face and the only way out is either a Nader Saab visit or a shave?

Why can ladies put on masks for society and not us? Why isn’t there male contour? Why isn’t there an AhmadBeauty to complement HudaBeauty?

As I delved deeper into that girls’ profile , I noticed something . The tingling feeling had increased when I scrolled through her tagged photos.

The impromptu look suited her way better than her well-studied , well drawn lines that made her look like she walked straight out of Bouba’s.

I know we live in an ultra-superficial society based on looks and material possessions ,  be it real estate or implants , but why do girls like that #bae go out of their way to make themselves look…. like eachother?

The legendary poet and cantor Aubrey Graham , also known as Drake for regular folk so famously stated : “Sweat pants , hair tied , chillin’ with no makeup on , that’s when you’re the prettiest I hope that you don’t take it wrong”.

And here I am , seconding that opinion . It’s one thing to boost your features , but a whole other thing to disguise yourself under a ton of paint just to post pictures that people will “Like”, drool over , and then move on to the next InstaHottie.

Why not work on your internal image and boost that instead ? Is there anything sexier than a girl who commands respect and speaks with eloquence and isn’t worried about her fake lash falling out , or her non – waterproof eyeliner drizzling down her sweaty cheeks?

A lot of “strong” women are gonna argue with :”We do that to look good for ourselves”. Well baby if it costs you 100$ for makeup, 50$ for hair, and God knows how much for the rest, why would you pay that every time you want to go out just to impress your own damn self? Isn’t easier to down a dozen Doughnuts and impress yourself with your superhuman sugar intake abilty?

And what’s the deal with going to random places like you’re attending a Ali L Deek concert in Atlal Plaza?

This is what those girls that go to a 8am uni class with full makeup on look like :

  
Is there anything hotter than a woman who can have a bare face instead of one filled with society’s forced unwritten laws ?

Is there nothing at all?

The Fat Arab .